PLANNING TEEN EDUCATION

Going to college and getting proper education is very important for ensuring the security and success of your teenager. Planning proper education for your teenager is a crucial step you have to take and help them know what is best for them taking into consideration their interests.

Benefits of going to college:

• Education is a must for getting better job. Because the world is changing rapidly, and many jobs rely on new technology, more and more jobs require qualifications that are essential for the post.
• Education is a must to earn more money.
• Education is a must to get a good start on life. A college education helps your child acquire a wide range of knowledge in many subjects, as well as advanced knowledge in the specific subjects they are most interested in. College also trains students to express thoughts clearly in speech and in writing, to make informed decisions, and to use technology--useful skills on and off the job.

One of the major benefits of acquiring a college education is having more jobs to choose from. Parents and students should talk about what kind of work interests the student, and find out more about the kind of education that specific jobs require. For instance if your child is interested in engineering or medical field you can concentrate on those subjects and pursue his career in that field. As students mature and learn about different opportunities, they may change their mind several times about the type of job they want to have. Changing your mind is nothing to worry about -- but not planning ahead is harmful and might create problems for his future.

For more information on the educational requirements of specific jobs, see our section on Education and Career.

Some advice to all parents

We have become a nation obsessed with the idea that not only is a college education a must for everyone, but that to have a truly successful life, one must attend the very best college possible. This myth, yes it is a myth, not only creates unreasonable stress on students and their families, but it almost destroys the future of the student. It doesn't really matter what college your child goes to. What matters is that a bright, intelligent, motivated person has the same likelihood of success irrespective of the college he or she attended. Choice of college tends to influence the first job because there's not much else for an employer to go on.

But, after that, it's what you accomplish in the real world is what matters and is taken into consideration. Many times it is seen that most college graduates end up in careers totally unrelated to what they majored in and thus their education doesn't really help them in the real world. Many students who struggle through college will do very well in the real world if they leave college with confidence and self-respect and are able to find something they love to do and have some skill at doing it.

Therefore what is advisable is expose our young to a well-rounded education, which has some intrinsic value. Just don't focus on the grades but rather the exposure. Try to find out what his interests are and in which field he will excel. We are too obsessed with degrees and not enough with the development of the person. In the long road of life it is the person that will mater, not the degree that he acquires. Thus it is not the college that is important but it is the person's interests and skills that matters.

PARENTING TEENAGE GIRLS

Teen years for girls today are a period of real danger. Girls entering puberty often face a "crisis in confidence" which makes them vulnerable to risky behavior, and these bad choices can have devastating lifelong consequences. What's perhaps even worse than the dangerous opportunities teen girls are at risk for is the fact that most of them will not talk to their parents about these dangers they face. No matter how good your communication is with your daughter, there are things she will not and cannot tell you, things she needs desperately to tell someone. The answer to this problem is being your daughter's best friend. One of the most rewarding relationships is when a mother steps forward to mentor her daughter's best friend. Some mothers "cross-mentor" each other's daughters. Sometimes teenage girls wont like to discuss their problems with their mother or father. In such circumstances it is best to provide them with a mentor. You must point your daughter toward a trustworthy role model - an aunt, a cousin, a grandmother, a teacher, a friend, or some other responsible caring woman. The most important thing a mentor can do is to listen and to lead by example. She isn't there to judge, punish or condemn. And as crucial as her role becomes, it is a temporary one - a mentor will never replace a mother. The mother/daughter bond will remain a dominant force in your daughter's life for as long as she walks on this earth. There are however certain problems that your teenage daughter faces which she might not be comfortable discussing with you. A few of them are listed below.

"My mom doesn't care about me." - Girls need emotional support from their mother more than from anyone else. And if mother's are busy ignoring their daughters that can be a serious problem.

"I hate myself." - Girls suffer from depression more than boys do. They are more sensitive and emotional and depression leads to many problems, which if not taken care of can be devastating.

"I want to kill myself." - From a survey conducted it was found out that 29% of adolescent girls have thoughts of suicide. From 1990 to 2000, the rate of suicide among young girls has increased drastically.

"He hit me." - One study found "disturbingly high incidence of violence," with 32% of girls reporting some form of physical or sexual abuse either done to them by their father, relative, husband or boyfriend.

"(An older male friend or relative) keeps sexually abusing me." Most abuse occurs at home, occurs more than once, and occurs as a result of the actions of a family member or friend of the family. Girls may have serious reactions of shame, guilt and self-hatred following these episodes.

"I've been smoking for awhile" - Smoking among teenage girls is rising.

"I did something shameful". Teenage girls now a days don't find it a big deal to lose their virginity and ultimately end up being pregnant.

These are the problems, which your teenage daughter might not discuss with you out of fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment and self-hatred. In such circumstances if you feel that your daughter is behaving strangely or seems disturbed and doesn't want to discuss her problems with you, you can ask her friend of teacher or any relative who she is close with, to help you out. Remember that even if she has done something dreadfully wrong she is your daughter and you must let her know that you love her and you are always there for her.

Points to remember

• Be patient with your teenage daughter. Give her some time to open up.
• Spend time with her. Your daughter maybe having some hidden talents. Explore and encourage her to pursue her talents.
• Care for her. It is very important to tell your daughter that you love her and no matter what happens you always will love her and care for her.
• Be there when she needs you. Don't ever give up on her. With your love and support your daughter can pass all tests of life and can tackle all hurdles with courage.
• Be her mentor and friend. A mother can be the daughter's best friend. Don't let her be scared of you. Try to strengthen the bond between the two of you.
• Learn to forgive her but at the same time be strict when required.

PARENTING TEENAGE BOYS

The Camouflage

Teenage boys normally wear this mask, an invisible shield. They pose to be something for the outside world, which is a feigned self-confidence and bravado, and normally hide the shame he felt at his feelings of vulnerability, powerlessness, and isolation. Boys cannot open themselves to anyone. It is thus difficult to know their state of mind behind the mask. As a result, they remain unhappy and lag behind in their academic performance. Many of the boys live behind a mask of masculine bravado that hides the genuine self to conform to our society's expectations; they feel it is necessary to cut themselves off from any feelings that society teaches them are unacceptable for men and boys--fear, uncertainty, feelings of loneliness and need. They think it's necessary that they handle their problems alone. A boy is not expected to reach out -- to his family, his friends, his counselors, or coaches -- for help, comfort, understanding, and support. And so he is simply not as close as he could be to the people who love him and yearn to give him the human connections of love, caring, and affection every person needs. The problem for those of us who want to help is that, on the outside, the boy who is having problems may seem cheerful and resilient while keeping inside the feelings of being troubled, lonely, afraid, desperate. Boys learn to wear the mask so skillfully -- in fact, they don't even know they're doing it -- that it can be difficult to detect what is really going on inside them and thus helping them becomes difficult. The problems below the surface become obvious only when boys go "over the edge" and get into trouble at college, start to fight with friends, take drugs or start drinking, are diagnosed with clinical depression, erupt into physical violence, or come home with a black eye.

Looking behind the Caumoflage

There are many ways to understand a boy's deepest feelings and experience, to come to know who he really is, and to help him love and feel comfortable with his genuine self. Given below are the ways which will help you look behind the mask and find out the problems you son is facing and will give you a chance to help him.

Be attentive and sensitive

Being a mother you should always be alert. Look for those early signs of trouble. These signs include everything from bad grades to rowdy behavior, from "seeming quiet" to manifesting symptoms of depression, from using drugs or alcohol to becoming a perpetrator or victim of violence. Thus become sensitive to the early signs of the masking of feelings.

Talk to him and understand him

The second step to getting behind the camouflage is learning a new way to talk to boys so that they don't feel afraid or ashamed to share their true feelings. Be patient to him, don't push him and don't be nagging. Be gentle and kind. Show him that he means a lot to you and that you are proud of him.

Give him time

Boys who do share their feelings often take longer to do so than girls do. A girl might open up when asked the first time but boys will refuse when approached the first time. We have to learn how to give the boy the time he needs and how to recognize in his words and actions the signals that he is ready to talk. He usually has to set the clock himself. He has to determine how much time he needs to remain silent before opening up to share his feelings. If we learn to become sensitive and respect his emotions, it will make it easy for him to be honest about the feelings behind the mask.

Make him feel comfortable

The next step is to make him feel at ease. Rather than nudging a boy to sit down and share his feelings with us, parents can begin by simply joining him in an activity that he enjoys. Often by simply doing something together that is playing a game with him, watching TV together or going to movies together, taking him to an amusement park, etc you can forge a connection that then enables him to open up.

Respect the real boy in him

Finally, parents can often help boys take off their masks by telling them stories about our own experiences, mistakes and mischief. Even if our boy groans or rolls his eyes when we begin to share our story, he almost always benefits from this. By discovering that, yes, we too have felt scared, embarrassed, or disappointed; the boy begins to feel less ashamed of his own vulnerable feelings. He feels our sympathy and discovers that we understand, love, and respect the real boy in him.